Understanding Comparative Suffering: Why Your Insomnia Deserves Acknowledgment

Have you ever found yourself lying awake at 3AM staring at the ceiling thinking, “Well, at least I’m not in a war zone or dealing with a life-threatening illness. Maybe I should just suck it up and stop complaining about my insomnia”? If so, welcome to the world of comparative suffering—where we tell ourselves our struggles don’t count because someone, somewhere, has it worse.

Brené Brown, the queen of vulnerability and shame research, has talked about this phenomenon extensively. She explains that comparative suffering doesn’t actually help anyone; it just leaves us feeling ashamed for feeling emotions. And let’s be real—shame is about as helpful as a coffee before bedtime.

The Suffering Olympics

It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking our problems are insignificant. Maybe you struggle with insomnia, but you have a job, a roof over your head and people who love you. So, should you really be complaining? The short answer: Yes.

Brown says that empathy isn’t a finite resource. Acknowledging your own pain doesn’t take away from someone else’s suffering—it actually increases your capacity for compassion. If you ignore or suppress your struggles you don’t suddenly become more empathetic; you just become more emotionally exhausted and, let’s be real, more irritable (which doesn’t exactly help in the whole ‘being a kind human’ department).

So, if you’ve been sleep deprived for weeks and feel miserable but tell yourself, “At least I don’t have (insert major catastrophe here)”, you’re not actually making yourself feel better. You’re just adding guilt to your already exhausted brain. And guess what? That’s not helping anyone.

Insomnia Is Hard—And That’s Okay to Admit

Insomnia is tough. It’s not just “a little tired”. It’s lying awake for hours, checking the clock every 15 minutes, mentally calculating how much sleep you could get if you fell asleep right now. It’s waking up feeling like you got run over by a truck, drinking too much coffee to compensate and then repeating the cycle all over again the next night.Insomnia affects your mood, your focus, your relationships and your overall health. It’s a big deal. And acknowledging that doesn’t mean you’re ignoring the world’s bigger problems—it just means you’re treating yourself with the kindness and care you’d give a friend.

The Power of Acknowledging Your Own Struggles

When we acknowledge our struggles we give ourselves permission to seek help, make change and heal. If you constantly tell yourself your insomnia isn’t that bad you’re less likely to take meaningful action to improve your sleep.

More importantly acknowledging your struggles allows you to show up for others in a bigger way. Think about it—when you’ve been through something tough you’re better equipped to offer real empathy to others going through similar struggles. When you say “Yeah, sleep deprivation makes me feel awful” you’re more likely to recognize when someone else is struggling and offer support instead of a dismissive “You’ll be fine”.

How Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia (CBT-I) Can Help

So, what can you actually do about insomnia (besides accepting it and learning to live with an ever growing collection of under-eye bags)? One of the most effective treatments for chronic insomnia is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia (CBT-I). It’s an evidence-based approach that helps rewire your thoughts and behaviors around sleep.

A key component of CBT-I is cognitive restructuring which helps you challenge unhelpful thoughts that fuel anxiety and insomnia. For example if your inner monologue sounds like:

• “If I don’t get 8 hours of sleep I won’t function tomorrow.”

• “I’m broken because I can’t sleep like a normal person.”

• “I have to try really hard to sleep or it’ll never happen.”

CBT-I helps you shift those thoughts to something more realistic like:

• “I can still function even if I don’t get perfect sleep.”

• “My body knows how to sleep; I just need to support it instead of fighting it.”

• “Sleep happens naturally—I don’t have to force it.”

When you change the way you think about sleep you start to break the cycle of anxiety that keeps you awake.

Giving Yourself Permission to Feel

In the end acknowledging your struggles—whether it’s insomnia, anxiety, stress or anything else—doesn’t make you weak. It makes you human. It doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful or unaware of other people’s suffering. If anything it helps you be more understanding of others because you know what it’s like to struggle.

So the next time you find yourself thinking “I shouldn’t complain about my sleep issues because other people have it worse”, pause. Take a deep breath. And remember, your struggles matter too.

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For more tips and mental health support, and information about online therapy sessions visit www.sleep-anxiety.com. Fill out the contact form to schedule a free 15-minute consultation with Anissa Bell, LMFT, and find out if online therapy is right for you (currently not offering in person therapy). Providing online therapy throughout California. Click HERE for more information about online therapy and therapy costs.