Sleep Anxiety vs. Insomnia: What’s Really Causing Your Daytime Fatigue?
- Anissa Bell
- Apr 8
- 5 min read
Updated: 1 day ago
Feeling pressure to sleep?
In recent years, there has been a significant increase in public awareness and education about the importance of sleep. Messages about the role of sleep in maintaining mental and physical health are now widespread, often emphasized across media platforms and wellness discussions. The intention behind these messages is to encourage healthy sleep habits and prioritize rest as a key part of overall well-being.
And yes, it is important. But the irony? All this pressure to sleep perfectly can make sleep feel like a performance. Instead of winding down peacefully at night, we’re lying in bed thinking, Okay, if I fall asleep in the next five minutes, I can still get 6 hours and 43 minutes of rest... Sound familiar?
The truth is, a lot of people experience acute insomnia at some point. This is your run-of-the-mill, temporary sleep issue often brought on by a stressful life event—new job, breakup, global pandemic, etc. It usually resolves on its own. The problem arises when the stress about not sleeping becomes the problem itself. That’s when it can evolve into chronic insomnia, and the cycle begins.
Your Sleep Anxiety Has a Lot of Ideas!
Sleep anxiety contributes to insomia. It's like having a tiny megaphone in your brain that gets louder as the day goes on. It’s the fear of not sleeping that ends up stealing your peace—and your sleep.
Here are just a few things anxiety might whisper (or shout) throughout your day:
Something is very wrong with me.
Sleeping is supposed to come naturally, so I must be broken.
I’m going to get sick if I don’t sleep tonight.
I’ll feel awful tomorrow. I won’t be able to function.
Everyone else is sleeping fine. What’s wrong with me?
Sound familiar? These thoughts aren’t just annoying; they fuel a feedback loop that keeps you stuck. The more you dread bedtime, the harder sleep becomes.
The Insomnia Identity
There’s something called insomnia identity, and it’s a big deal. This is when you begin to internalize and self-label as an “insomniac.” It becomes part of your story, your personality, your elevator pitch.
But here’s the kicker: research shows that your perception of how you sleep can have a bigger impact on your health than your actual sleep duration. In other words, if you think you slept terribly—even if your sleep was objectively fine—it can still affect your mood, energy, and physical health.
That might sound frustrating—like the problem is all in your head. But don’t beat yourself up. This doesn’t mean you’re imagining your struggle. It just means that the way we think about our sleep plays a huge role in how we feel the next day. Our minds are major players in the sleep game.
So… What Is Insomnia, Anyway?
Insomnia is more than just having a rough night here and there. According to diagnostic criteria (like those found in the DSM-5), insomnia disorder is characterized by:
Difficulty falling asleep, staying asleep, or waking up too early—at least 3 nights per week.
These sleep disturbances persist for at least 3 months.
The problem causes daytime impairment (think fatigue, concentration issues, mood disturbances).
And it happens despite having adequate opportunity to sleep.
There are different types too:
Sleep-onset insomnia – trouble falling asleep.
Sleep-maintenance insomnia – waking up frequently or for long periods during the night.
Late insomnia – waking up too early and not being able to fall back asleep.
Mixed insomnia – a fun little combo pack!
Many people experience different types of insomnia symptoms at different times—and they often overlap.
It’s Not Just the Sleep. It’s the Thoughts About Sleep.
One of the most fascinating (and cruel) parts of sleep anxiety is this: the worry about sleep can do more harm than the lack of sleep itself.
Let that sink in.
It’s like arguing with your GPS while you’re already lost—it doesn’t help and actually makes things worse. Rumination about sleep—“I didn’t sleep well last night,” “I’m going to feel awful today,” “Will I sleep tonight?”—adds a heavy emotional layer on top of whatever fatigue you’re already dealing with.
In fact, these thoughts can lead to increased arousal (hello, cortisol!) and reinforce the belief that you’re broken or incapable. It’s no wonder the body stays in fight-or-flight mode, even at bedtime.
When the World Doesn’t Get It
One of the hardest things about chronic insomnia? The lack of empathy.
People don’t really understand how crushing it is to go night after night with poor sleep and then still have to show up for work, parenting, socializing, life. And sometimes the people who love you the most say the most frustrating things:
“Maybe you need to drink warm milk.”
“You just need to tire yourself out during the day.”
“Have you tried melatonin?”
“You're probably just overthinking it.”
Bless their hearts, they mean well. But what you might really need is empathy, not unsolicited advice. You want someone to say, “That sounds really hard. I’m here for you.” Not, “Try lavender spray.”
You deserve support and understanding—not just a list of life hacks.
Wait… So Am I Doing This to Myself??
Let’s just pause right here and say: NO. This is not your fault.
You're not choosing to worry about sleep. You're not sabotaging yourself on purpose. And telling someone with insomnia to "just relax" is like telling someone in quicksand to "just walk out of it."
But there is good news. There are ways to work with your anxiety, reduce the pressure, and support your nervous system. Which brings us to...
About the “C” in CBT-I…
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia (CBT-I) is considered the gold standard for treating chronic insomnia. It’s not about tricking yourself into sleeping—it's about changing your relationship with sleep, and with the thoughts that keep you up.
Here are a few nuggets from the cognitive side of CBT-I:
Talk back to anxiety. Not in a combative way—but with curiosity and compassion. “Thanks for trying to protect me, anxiety, but I’ve got this.” You can acknowledge its message without believing every anxious thought.
Find neutral ground. Instead of going from “I’m broken” to “I’ll sleep like a baby tonight,” try something in the middle: “I don’t know how tonight will go, but I’ll handle it.” Let your inner narrator tone it down a bit.
You can be okay even if you don’t sleep great. Really. You’ve had bad nights and still made it through the day before. What if you planned for extra kindness instead of bracing for disaster?
Stop being a sleep accountant. You don’t need to tally your hours or calculate how much rest you got. That number often doesn’t reflect how you’ll feel anyway. Try curiosity instead: “Let’s see how today goes.”
How To Deal with Sleep Anxiety and Insomnia
Struggling with sleep anxiety and insomnia can feel like wandering through a dark house at 3 a.m.—alone, disoriented, and desperate for a light switch. It can be isolating. And scary. And exhausting (literally).
But you're not alone, and you're not broken. Sleep can get better, especially with the right support.
Start by ruling out any medical conditions with your doctor (always important), and then consider working with a provider trained in CBT-I. You can find one using the Society of Behavioral Sleep Medicine directory. Sleep therapy isn’t about finding the “perfect” fix—it’s about reducing pressure, restoring confidence, and remembering that your body wants to sleep. Sometimes, we just need to get out of our own way.
So next time you hear that little anxious voice say, “You’ll never sleep again!”—maybe whisper back, “That’s cute. Watch me.”
For more tips and mental health support, and information about online therapy sessions visit www.sleep-anxiety.com. Fill out the contact form to schedule a free 15-minute consultation with Anissa Bell, LMFT, and find out if online therapy is right for you (currently not offering in person therapy). Providing online therapy throughout California. Click HERE for more information about online therapy and therapy costs.
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