Happiness: A Moving Target, Not a Destination

Happiness. We all say we want it, but do we even know what it is? We spend so much time chasing it, setting goals, ticking boxes and thinking “I’ll be happy as soon as I _____.” But then we get there and happiness is… fleeting. So, what gives? Is happiness even something we can achieve or is it more like a state we move in and out of? Let’s break it down.

What Is Happiness, Really?

If you ask 100 people to define happiness you’ll probably get 100 different answers. For some it’s financial security. For others it’s love, adventure or just the ability to take a nap without guilt.

From a scientific perspective happiness is often defined as subjective well-being—a mix of life satisfaction and positive emotions. In other words it’s not just about feeling good in the moment but having an overall sense that life is going well. Psychologists Ed Diener and Martin Seligman, pioneers in happiness research, say happiness isn’t just about avoiding sadness but about actively cultivating positive experiences, relationships and meaning in life.

Do We Need to Work to Be Happy?

In short: Yes. But maybe not in the way you think.

Many people believe happiness is something that happens to them. Once I get the promotion I’ll be happy. Once I lose 20 pounds I’ll be happy. Once I move to the perfect city, find the perfect relationship or have the perfect life happiness will finally arrive and unpack its bags forever.

But it doesn’t work that way.

A famous study by Sonja Lyubomirsky, Kennon Sheldon and David Schkade suggests that about 50% of our happiness is genetic, meaning some people are naturally wired to be a little happier than others. Only 10% is influenced by circumstances (like money, job or where you live) and a whopping 40% is determined by our daily thoughts, behaviors and choices. So we actually have a lot of control over our happiness but it requires effort.

The Happiness Formula

If happiness isn’t a finish line, what is it?Think of happiness like the weather. Some days are sunny, some days are stormy and most days are somewhere in between. Expecting constant happiness is like expecting sunshine 24/7—unrealistic and honestly, it would get exhausting.

Here’s what research tells us what actually contributes to happiness:

1. Relationships Matter Most – Harvard’s famous 85-year study on happiness found that the number one predictor of long term happiness and health is close relationships. Not money not career success—just strong, meaningful connections with other people. Even introverts need companionship and emotional support.

2. Gratitude Changes Your Brain – Studies have shown that practicing gratitude literally rewires your brain to be more positive. A simple habit like writing down three things you’re grateful for each day can increase long term happiness.

3. Experiences vs. Stuff – Buying things can give us a quick hit of joy but experiences—travel, concerts, game nights with friends—create lasting memories that contribute to happiness over time.

4. Movement Boosts Mood – Exercise releases endorphins which act like natural antidepressants. You don’t need to run a marathon; even a 10 minute walk can improve mood and reduce stress.

5. Acts of Kindness – Helping others whether through volunteering or small everyday gestures has been shown to increase happiness. Giving feels just as good (if not better) than receiving.

6. Mindfulness & Presence – Research suggests our minds wander almost 50% of the time often dwelling on worries or regrets. Being present—whether through meditation, deep conversations or just savoring your morning coffee—can significantly boost happiness.

Happiness as a Moving Target

One of the biggest myths about happiness is that it’s something we achieve and then keep forever. But the reality is, happiness is fluid. It comes and goes and that’s normal.

Have you ever noticed that when you finally get what you’ve been working towards the excitement fades faster than expected? That’s called the hedonic adaptation—a psychological phenomenon where we quickly return to a baseline level of happiness after positive or negative changes.This is why the whole “I’ll be happy when…” mentality doesn’t work. The goalpost keeps moving. That new car? Exciting for a month. That dream job? Stressful after a few weeks. That relationship? Still requires work.

So, What Now?

We don’t reach happiness and stay there—we build habits that bring joy and fulfillment regularly.

• Instead of going for big, one-time wins, focus on small, daily rituals that bring meaning and happiness.

• Instead of waiting for happiness to happen, create it through gratitude, movement, connection and purpose.

• Instead of seeing happiness as a destination, accept that it will wax and wane—and that’s okay.

In Closing

Happiness isn’t something we find—it’s something we grow. It’s not about eradicating sadness but about learning to ride the waves of life with more steadiness. It’s about recognizing that some days will be brilliant, some will be tough and most will be a mix of both.

So, if you’re waiting for happiness to arrive at some mythical future point, stop. It’s already here, in the small moments—the morning sunlight, the laughter with a friend, the deep breath after a long day.

Happiness isn’t a finish line. It’s the little things we do every day that make life worth living. And the best bit? You get to decide what that looks like for you.

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