Can’t Sleep? When Insomnia Makes You Wonder If You’ll Ever Sleep Again

I hear this all the time in session:“What if I never sleep again without trying so hard?”“What if this is just my life now?”“Why can’t I sleep like everyone else? What’s wrong with me?”

These aren’t abstract worries. They’re whispered in my office by people who are exhausted, scared, and sometimes barely holding it together. And the truth is—if you’ve ever wrestled with insomnia, you’ve probably asked yourself the same questions at 2 a.m. while staring at the ceiling.

Why the Night Feels Like the Worst Time

There’s something about the dark, quiet hours that magnifies every fear. It can feel like you are the last person left awake on Earth. Even the dog is out cold, and you're just here thinking about how broken you must be because you can't sleep.

During the day, you can push through on adrenaline, caffeine, or sheer willpower. At night, you’re stripped of all that. It’s just you and your thoughts, and those thoughts aren’t kind. They tell you:

• You’ll never be able to sleep without a battle.

• This might be your permanent reality.

• You’re different from everyone else, and not in a good way.

And the cruelest part? The more those thoughts rev up, the more awake you become.

Hopelessness: The Hidden Weight of Insomnia

The fatigue is hard, of course. But what really breaks people down is the hopelessness. I’ve had people sit down and say, “I feel like I’ve tried everything—the teas, the breathing apps, the supplements, the white noise machines, the podcasts that promise to bore me to sleep. If none of that works, what hope do I have?”

Sometimes insomnia is described to me as “a nightly torture chamber, followed by the morning waking up already defeated: “It’s like I’m behind before the day even starts.”

That hopelessness often convinces people that nothing will help. And yet this is usually the moment when change begins. Because as soon as we start talking, as soon as I lay out that insomnia is treatable with actual evidence-based tools, you can almost see the relief in their shoulders.

The Shift That Happens After Session One

This is the part I wish everyone could know before they lose hope: that sometimes even the very first session is a turning point.

Not because sleep magically returns in one night. But because awareness clicks in:

• You’re not broken.

• Treatment for insomnia has an evidenced-based protocol.

• There are clear tools you can use instead of just flailing in the dark.

I’ve had people say after that first hour:“I feel lighter, just knowing there’s a plan.”“I didn’t realize I could treat my sleep issues with therapy.”

That’s why I always encourage people: don’t wait until you’re at rock bottom. Sometimes just talking about it is enough to loosen insomnia’s grip.

The Fears That Keep People Awake

Let’s name the big ones, because they’re universal:

“What if I never sleep normally again?”

It feels permanent in the moment. But the body doesn’t “forget” how to sleep. Even after months of disrupted rest, your system can reset when it learns to calm down. Think of it like a snow globe that’s been shaken—it looks chaotic, but given time and stillness, things settle.

“Is this just my life now?”

This one is often spoken in a resigned, almost quiet way. People imagine themselves condemned to a lifetime of sleepless nights. But insomnia usually comes in flare-ups, when stress, grief, or conflict shake things up. Flare-ups can feel overwhelming, but they are temporary, especially once you know what tools to use when they hit.

“What’s wrong with me?”

This is the most painful. People compare themselves to coworkers who say, “Oh, I fell asleep the second my head hit the pillow,” and it makes them feel defective. It's easy to believe that you are broken when your spouse is sleeping soundly next to you night after night. But nothing is “wrong” with you. Your nervous system is just stuck in high alert, as if there’s danger you need to stay awake for. Once you break that loop, sleep comes back.

Why Insomnia Feeds on Fear

Here’s the cycle:

1. You can’t sleep.

2. You worry about not sleeping.

3. That worry activates your stress system.

4. Which keeps you awake.

5. Repeat until you’re convinced this is your new life.

It’s not weakness. It’s literally how your body’s stress response works. Fear signals “danger,” which tells your body “stay alert.” And alertness and sleep can’t coexist.

Breaking Out of the Cycle

So how do you get out of this loop? Here’s what helps most people I see:

1. Understanding the cycle itself.

Just knowing your body isn’t broken, it’s stuck in hyperarousal, is powerful. The fear loses some of its sting once you realize it’s not permanent.

2. Learning tools that work.

We use things like stimulus control (changing your relationship with your bed), adjusting your sleep schedule, and strategies for calming racing thoughts. These aren’t gimmicks; they’re skills that you can carry for life.

3. Expecting flare-ups.

This might be the most important piece. Life stressors will happen—work, grief, conflict, money worries—and your sleep might wobble. That doesn’t mean you’re back at square one. With practice, flare-ups become speed bumps instead of brick walls.

You’re Not the Only One Awake

One of the hardest parts of insomnia is the isolation. I’ve had people say, “It feels like the world is sleeping while I’m trapped in my own head.”

But you’re not alone. Millions of people experience the same fears and the same hopeless nights. And many of them recover—not because they discovered some magical tea blend, but because they learned how to work with their nervous system instead of fighting against it.

The Takeaway

If you’re awake at night wondering:

• Will I ever sleep without effort?

• Is this just my life now?

• What’s wrong with me?

Know this: those thoughts are common, but they’re not the truth. They’re the voice of exhaustion and fear.

Insomnia is not a life sentence. It’s a condition, and it has treatment. Sometimes the simple act of talking about it—naming it, understanding it, realizing you’re not broken—changes the whole trajectory.

And yes...you will sleep again.

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If you are having a hard time sleeping, help is available. I’m Anissa Bell, LMFT, specializing in sleep and anxiety therapy, and I’m here to support you in finding lasting, healthier solutions to insomnia. Visit sleep-anxiety.com for more information.