Can’t Sleep? Stop Talking About It!

You didn’t sleep well last night. Again. Naturally, the first thing you do when you wake up (after hitting the coffee hard) is tell anyone who will listen: your partner, your coworkers, your barista, your dog. Then, when you have a moment to yourself, you start Googling: "How to fix insomnia," "Why can’t I sleep?" "Is my bed haunted?"

Sound familiar?

Here’s the thing: the more you talk about your sleep struggles and endlessly research solutions, the worse your sleep anxiety gets. Although these are intuitive responses to the insomnia, they are counterproductive. Ironically, the harder you try to "solve" your insomnia, the more power you give it. Let’s get into why constantly thinking and talking about sleep is actually keeping you stuck—and what you can do instead.

When Talking About Sleep Becomes the Problem

Venting about insomnia feels good in the moment. You get sympathy, validation, and maybe even some tips ("Have you tried drinking chamomile tea while balancing on one foot and humming a lullaby?"). But there’s a catch: every time you focus on how bad your sleep is, your brain reinforces the belief that sleep is this big, scary, unsolvable problem.

The result? More stress, more anxiety, and—yep—worse sleep. Your brain associates bedtime with frustration, making it even harder to relax when the lights go out.

The Research Spiral

We’ve all done it. A bad night leads to a full-on internet deep dive. Before you know it, you’re three hours in, reading about rare sleep disorders and debating whether you need to move to a remote cabin in the woods to reset your circadian rhythm.

But here’s the thing: researching sleep issues gives you a temporary sense of control—until you realize there are a million conflicting opinions and no magic solution. Then you feel even more anxious than before, and the cycle continues.

This is called reassurance-seeking behavior—the urge to find certainty in an uncertain situation. Unfortunately, reassurance-seeking doesn’t actually fix anything; it just feeds your anxiety and keeps you in an endless loop of overthinking.

The Power of Habituation: Sit With the Discomfort

What if, instead of endlessly researching sleep tips and chasing reassurance, you just… stopped? What if you let yourself feel the discomfort of uncertainty about your sleep without trying to fix it? This is where habituation comes in. The more you allow yourself to sit with the fear of not sleeping well, the more your mind adapts. Over time, your brain stops treating it like a crisis.

Think about it—when you face a fear instead of running from it, it loses its power over you. The same goes for sleep anxiety. If you resist the urge to seek constant reassurance, you teach your brain that uncertainty isn’t dangerous. Yes, a rough night is frustrating, but it won’t break you. And the irony? When you stop trying to control sleep, it happens more naturally.

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But Seriously, I Need to Sleep!

If you’ve been struggling with insomnia, you’re not imagining how difficult this is. Sleep deprivation is exhausting, frustrating, and can feel overwhelming. And it makes perfect sense that you’d want to research it, talk about it, and try to figure it out. That instinct—to seek solutions—is completely natural.

The good news? There is a way forward. Seeking professional help through CBT-I means you don’t have to keep doing this alone. A structured, research-backed approach can help you break out of the cycle of sleep anxiety and build confidence in your ability to rest again.

So if you’re reading this thinking, know that your experience is valid. And there’s a clear path to getting better. Reach out to a sleep specialist and take the first step toward real, lasting change.

How Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia (CBT-I) Helps

If you’re stuck in the cycle of talking, researching, and stressing about sleep, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia (CBT-I) can help break the pattern. CBT-I is the gold standard for treating insomnia, and unlike quick-fix sleep hacks, it actually works long-term.

CBT-I helps by:

• Identifying unhelpful thoughts (like “I’ll never sleep well again”) and replacing them with more realistic ones.

• Changing behaviors that keep you stuck, like spending too much time in bed or napping to “catch up” on sleep.

• Rewiring your brain so that you associate your bed with sleep—not stress, frustration, or endless scrolling.

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Set Boundaries with Sleep Anxiety

So, what can you do today to stop feeding the sleep anxiety monster?

1. Set a sleep-talk boundary – No more talking about your sleep struggles throughout the day. Give yourself permission to let it go.

2. Ban the bedtime Google sessions – If you’re tempted to research, remind yourself that sleep is natural and doesn’t need micromanaging.

3. Practice acceptance – Some nights will be better than others, and that’s okay. The less you fight it, the easier sleep will come.

4. Try CBT-I techniques – Work with a trained professional to develop healthier sleep habits 

Conclusion

The more you talk about, research, and stress about sleep, the more power you give to insomnia. Freedom from this cycle means letting go—of the sleep chatter, the endless Googling, and the desperate attempt to control every aspect of sleep. If your sleep continues to be challenging and your anxiety keeps ramping up, consider seeking professional support to help you through this process.

Now go take a deep breath and step away from Google.

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For more tips and professional support, visit www.sleep-anxiety.com. Fill out the contact form to schedule a free 15-minute consultation with Anissa Bell, LMFT, and find out if this treatment approach is right for you.